It's all good...because He's in charge :-)

I know it seems like this could be the darkest day you’ve known
But believe you me, the God of strength will never let you go
He will overcome, I know

And the arms that hold the universe are holding you tonight
You can rest inside, it’s gonna be alright
And the voice that calmed the raging sea is calling you His child
So be still and know He’s in control
He will never let you go

Through many dangers, toils, and snares you have already come
His grace has brought you safe this far, and His grace will lead you home

And the arms that hold the universe are holding you tonight
You can rest inside, it’s gonna be alright
And the voice that calmed the raging sea is calling you His child
So be still and know He’s in control
He will never let you go

You can hope, you can rise, you can stand
He’s still got the whole world in His hands
You can hope, you can rise, you can stand
He’s still got the whole world, the whole world in His hands

And the arms that hold the universe are holding you tonight
You can rest inside, it’s gonna be alright
And the voice that calmed the raging sea is calling you His child
So be still and know He’s in control
He will never let you go

He’s still got the whole world in His hands
In his hands, yeah
He’s still got the whole world in His hands

written by Steve Fee 

Life can be so funny... just when I thought I'm starting afresh, with new opportunities of growth & friendship galore, I seemed to have plunged into a valley darker and deeper than the one I have just climbed out of. Just when I thought things cannot get worse than before, they actually did!  For a while, I whipped myself badly with self-blame..."it must be YOU! You seem to bring trouble and conflict everywhere you go! Why don't you ever learn?" voices of accusation assailed my tormented mind and crushed my already minute self-confidence. Next, I wallowed in a pool of self-pity (you know, the "emo" mode) and cried my heart out. Gradually, I learn to be still and listen to my thoughts and God's voice whispering deep within my soul, "Lifang, do you trust Me? This is something I got to bring you through, so that you can learn about My love and strength and light in your life, that you cannot learn in other ways. When you don't know what to do, when you don't know who to trust, that is when you need to lean on Me and trust me most. I created you and I hold you in my hands. I promise, I will never test you beyond what you can bear."

There is something that is hardest to bear for each of us. For some, it could be shame. And others, it could be abandonment. The hardest thing for me to bear is betrayal and, next, is to be wronged. Somehow, I need the truth about everything, and I will pursue the truth as much as I can. When I feel wrongly understood, I find it very hard not to try to justify myself. But sometimes, self-justification only makes the matter worse, because it is telling someone, "You are wrong to think that way of me." And oftentimes, the wrong impression originates from someone who has been talking about me in my absence; by voicing out my objections to what he/she have said, I actually put him/her in a bad light, as if he/she has been badmouthing me.

Which is more important? To have peace or to have truth? Without justice, can there be real peace? Yet without mercy, can the truth ever be heard and received by open hearts? I can't really figure these out yet, even though each of us have to make decisions concerning these issues, in big and small ways, everyday. I can only try my best to pray and do what I believe is closest to what Jesus would do. But sometimes, it can hurt so much. That is when I need to trust that God can heal and mend the brokenness in His time. If God is my Defense, my Tower of Strength, why do I need to be so anxious about defending myself? It doesn't mean I become a voiceless doormat, but it does mean I learn to submit my right to demand for immediate justification, because justice will come in His way, His time.

And it comforts my soul and lifts my eyes from my self-centeredness to the greater Truth, to know that my Lord and Saviour went through betrayal and injustice way beyond what I have experienced. He understands how it feels, and He has overcome the thick, dense, heavy darkness of being misunderstood by the whole world--the very world He came to love, serve and die for. A friend shared with me this: after watching the Passion of Christ, she couldn't help but asked Jesus, "Why were You so stupid (to go through all the suffering)?" And His tender answer touched her where she was, "Love makes us do stupid things."

Perhaps that is the answer I am looking for. To learn to submit in love, for Love.

Another Bend in the Road

When the sun starts to rise and I open my eyes

You are good so good

In the heat of the day with each stone that I lay

You are good so good

With every breath I take in

I'll tell You I am grateful again

When the moon rises high before each kiss goodnight

You are good

When the road starts to turn around each bend I've learned

You are good so good

And when somebody's hand holds me up helps me stand

You are so good

With every breath I take in

I'll tell You I'm grateful again

'Cause it's more than enough just to know I am loved

And You are good

So how can I thank You and what can I bring?

What can a poor man lay at the feet of a King?

So I'll sing You a love song it's all that I have

To tell You I'm grateful for holding my life in Your hands

When it's dark and it's cold and I can't feel my soul

You are still good

When the world is gone gray and the rain's here to stay

You are still good

With every breath I take in

I'll tell You I am grateful again

And the storm may swell even then it is well

And You are good

So how can I thank You what can I bring?

What can a poor man lay at the feet of a King?

I'll sing You this love song it's all that I have

To tell You I'm grateful for holding my life in Your hands

So I'll sing You a love song it's all that I have

To tell You I'm grateful for holding my life in Your hands

You are holding my life in Your hands

I cannot really see where my life is going... how it is going to end... what awaits at the next bend. All I can say, is that I am thankful for having You in my life. You have given me so much in abundance, so that I can share with those You have placed in my life, and enjoy to my heart's content. You have given me just enough of certain things, to teach me how precious they are, and how to use them wisely and put first things first. You have chosen to withhold some things from me, even though I may beg You out of tearful desperation, because I need to learn to trust that You are good, and You know what's best. When I lack, I can lean on You and Your ever-sufficient grace.

O Lord, as You belay me through life's upward climb, teach me to trust You more each day, to dare to tackle the next rock that may seem so out of reach, so small and slippery... help me to remember You hold the ropes, and because Your Love will never let go, I can keep pressing on and not be afraid of making mistakes.

And as I walk round the next bend in road, be it sunshine or rain or darkness awaits, Lord, help me to remember You hold my life in Your hands, and You are good, so good to me. :-)

  

A Father's Love

Self-doubt is my all-time enemy. I wrestle with it every day, and on some days, I would really feel like throwing in the towel and cry, "Surrender"! It is really incongruent to my beliefs, as a Christian, as someone who has been touched and changed by God's deep, deep love. How could I see myself so small and insignificant? If the King of the Universe would give His One and Only Beloved Son to die for me?

Last Sunday, a speaker came to our church and shared about the Father's Love. Matt Rawlins explained to us, that the heart issues often take root before the rational mind can make sense of it. Nobody wakes up one day, and decides that he or she is going to be insecure. Somehow deep inside us, there is already a small voice telling us, "Do something, or you will be nothing." Perhaps it comes from our parents, our teachers, or communities, or just the way a meritocratic society shapes its people. And heart issues are alot messier to deal with, because a whole lot of emotions and convictions are tied to them.

So how do I break free? How do I, for once in my life, FEEL, not just know, that I am special, created in the image of God, to reflect His glory, to shine His light, to be His princess, to feel His delight? How do I live life with a sense of purpose, knowing my identity without wavering before a world that is ever-changing in its beliefs, values, opinions, expectations and pursuits?

After studying for 10 years and working for 4 years, I've come to realise that my purpose in my life cannot be contained in studying or working. Though in themselves, they are good and essential activities for my human mind and earthly living, but my life and purpose need to come from Something Bigger, Someone Greater than them. When God showed me that I am made to know and love Him, with all that I am; and to love His children and His creation, as myself; I was amazed by the simplicity of my life's purpose and puzzled by the impossibility of this mission. For one thing, I don't even know how to be patient and gentle with myself, when "Love is patient and kind"!

It is only when I calm down and breathe deeply, can I hear His gentle voice telling me, "You cannot give what you don't have. You need to know Me first. Unless you know My Love, you can never love Me, or yourself, or others."

Yes, even though I have dreams and aspirations to change somebody's life, or even a small part of the world, with my love, I am just an empty vessel, as broken and fragile, as the world I live in. Without God's love, I have nothing to offer anyone else, or the world.

"To the world you may be just somebody, but to somebody, you may be the world."

Do you know the Somebody who loves the world so much, that He gave His most precious possession--His World--so that we who are the world, can know Him, and one day, become somebody who can change the world? Do you know the distance a Perfect Father's love can go for His child? Would you want to go the distance for your child one day? Would you let Him be your Hero, and let Him shape you into what you are meant to be--a hero made in His image--one day?

A true story of a true hero, & a glimpse of the distance, the height, and the depth a Perfect Father's love would go for His child. Enjoy & discover!

Just a Little Branch

"I am the Vine, you are the branches." John 15:5

'Tis only a little Branch

A thing so fragile and weak,

But that little Branch hath a message true

To give, could it only speak.

"I'm only a little Branch,
I live by a life not mine,
For the sap that flows through my tendrils small
Is the life-blood of the Vine.

"No power indeed have I
The fruit of myself to bear,
But since I'm part of the living Vine,
Its fruitfulness I share.

"Dost thou ask how I abide?
How this life I can maintain?--
I am bound to the Vine by life's strong band,
And I only need remain.

"Where first my life was given,
In the spot where I am set,
Upborne and upheld as the days go by,
By the stem which bears me yet.

"I fear not the days to come,
I dwell not upon the past,
As moment by moment I draw a life,
Which for evermore shall last.

"I bask in the sun's bright beams.
Which with sweetness fills my fruit,
Yet I own not clusters hanging there,
For they all come from the root."

A life which is not my own,
But another's life in me:
This, this is the message the Branch would speak,
A message to thee and me.

Oh, struggle not to "abide,"
Nor labor to "bring forth fruit,"
But let Jesus unite thee to Himself,
As the Vine's Branch to the root.

So simple, so deep, so strong
That union with Him shall be:
His life shall forever replace thine own,
and His love shall flow through thee;

For His Spirit's fruit is love,
And love shall thy life become,
And for evermore on His heart of love
Thy spirit shall have her home.

FREDA HANBURY

I finally found a poem that resonates with the song in my heart when I first started this blog. It's so simple, beautiful, yet in a way, sad. Because I now understand that when I become a little branch in Christ, I have chosen to die of my self, my desires and hopes. I am no longer my own, but I live His life. Yet, deep down inside, my soul finally find rest and a deep, deep joy, because, it knows it has found the right home to belong, a truly safe place to abide--in God's perfect, unfailing love.

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20

What more can I ask for? If God would die for me. How can I not fall in love with Someone who knows all my imperfections and griefs, and yet love me perfectly, fiercely and eternally. He held nothing back, just to love me, and you. :-)

There are 2 sides to everything

I love sitting on beautiful, warm Turkish carpets. It feels so cosy and safe. Recently, at a gathering, the host drew our attention to the hidden beauty of his Turkish carpet--it was actually stitched in such a way that the underside shows the exact same pattern as the front. It must have been the work of a master carpet weaver!

I also tried a bit of sewing recently. Haha, it was an idea borrowed from a very creative colleague of mine. She sew her name onto her labcoat and added little buttons for the circular letters. One day, I decided to try to emulate, using the little supply of thread and buttons I can scavenge from my long neglected sewing box. Ta Daa!!! With my limited sewing skills, I managed to come up with something that look quite neat (to me).

However when I turn over the pocket, I got quite disgusted by the loose threads, crooked stitches, and ugly knots. I am no naturally talented seamstress afterall.

Actually the sewing reminds me of my own life too. Oftentimes, by my conscientious effort, I can make myself look quite "neat" and presentable to others. I can keep smiling. I can show up and contribute proactively. I can give the right answers and try to sound confident. But would it be a true reflection of who I really am inside? Would anyone realise how much struggle it takes to put on that bright smile even when things are not going well? How inadequate I can actually feel at work or in church, and how many times I needed to cry out to God to help me understand things?

There are always 2 sides to everything, the positive and the negative, the seen and the unseen, the probable and the possible. Even as we try to stay on the bright side, sometimes, we need to acknowledge the darker side too. Perhaps the greater treasure may actually be found in the dark side. Because courage is not about appearing unafraid, but about facing fear, and not backing down. Joy is not about a sorrow-free heart, but the ability to look beyond the present disappointments and see hope in the future. And faith is not having no doubt, but in choosing to trust in God's promises despite many unanswered questions churning in the distressed soul.

When we see a beautiful person, full of compassion and wisdom, do we ever wonder the humbling and refining it takes to cultivate this tender heart and perceptive soul? When we see a lovely relationship, full of submission and tenderness, do we wonder how much sacrifices and forgiveness the couple has poured into each other? Oftentimes, true sweetness can only be tasted after the fruit has been crushed and strained. Can there be beauty without pain? Can peace come without a struggle? Can love blossom without the dying of self?

Yet I believe God is the Divine Repairer of our lives. Even in the midst of broken dreams and failures, He can bring something beautiful out of our lives, if we would surrender the broken pieces to Him. And He is the Master Weaver too, one day, He will turn over the carpet of our lives and show us how every black thread was woven in, so that the bright ones can shine even brighter. And I'm sure, it will be a masterpiece, far better than any imitations I can ever come up with.

If there ever were dreams
That were lofty and noble
They were my dreams at the start
And the hopes for life's best
Were hopes that I harboured
Down deep in my heart

But my dreams turned to ashes
My castles all crumbles
My fortune turned to loss
So I wrapped it all in the rags of my life
And laid it at the cross

Something beautiful, something good;
All my confusion He understood.
All I had to offer Him
Was brokenness and strife,
But He made something beautiful of my life.

Every good and perfect gift is from above

When was the last time you stopped and watched a glorious sunset? Drink in the beautiful hues of gold, rose and violet generously splashed across the cool blue sky, and hold your breath as the stunning rays move across the sky, revealing a dynamic masterpiece of changing patterns that can set your imagination running wild?

Recently, while alighting from the train at the Chinese Garden MRT, I was captivated by the vast canopy of glowing art across the sky as the sun sets at the Jurong Lake, and all I could do was to keep drawing closer to the beautiful view. Quite a couple of people were already clicking away with their cameras and handphones. I had neither, so I could only take mental pictures in my mind. But it was enough for me, the moment of reverence and awe was unforgettable. There were pools of warm gold splattered in the western part, as pink feathery clouds spread their wings across the blue expanse. The light yellow rays radiate like spokes of a bicycle wheel through the pools and pink feathers, creating a unique display of shapes, colours and effects. On the east, there were sweet pink velvety clouds hanging softly on the purplish-blue sky, like the pretty scarves worn by girls on their romantic dates. And as the sun rays receded, the pink turns to a richer orange-red, like the way some of my friends would blush after tasting wine. The warm golden pools changed to layers of deepening orange and red, as if there is a cyclone sucking in the colour and light from the middle. The pink feathers become softer and softer, like a phoenix coming home to rest in its nest after a tired day of flight. And Jurong Lake was illuminated with the changing lights, reflecting the heavenly performance in its own fluid and graceful waves.

Beautiful things like this set me wondering how can anyone not believe in Heaven and a Creator of beauty and order? How can anyone not give thanks that the world is not just black and white (ok and perhaps green for photosynthesis), with the bare minimum of air, food and water for life to survive; since by the law of conservation, whatever additional energy spent in beauty and glory, may be considered wasted and should be channelled into selective advantage for the survival of the fittest? Sometimes i think it takes alot more faith to be an aethist, than to be a believer. Because an aethist believe that everything happen over time, by chance and elimination, and then the whole world just turns out the way it is today, with so much order and beauty to behold. It's as if parts of an engine and metal pieces just fell from the sky, and miraculously a pretty, functional automobile was assembled by sheer luck! I find it easier to believe that there is an intelligent Designer and Creator behind every complex living thing, and every marvellous feat of nature; just as there is an intelligent designer and engineer behind every working machinery on the road.

As a biology student, i was always amazed at how complex a little cell--the most basic unit of life--can be. Even till today, scientists have not since stop discovering new structures, patterns and order in the cell, causing it to be so dynamic and potent, that just one cell is needed to give rise to a whole complex organism with multiple systems, organs, and tissues, all working together to sustain life and living instincts.

Recently, scientists have celebrated the breakthrough of creating the "first synthetic cell". It took 25 top scientists, $40 million (US), over 5 years, and a heavy dependence of super computers to assemble sequences from an already known genome, to finally create a bacterial cell, which is much, much simpler than an animal or plant cell. How much more intelligence is needed to create cells that programme themselves to grow, divide, adhere, localise, differentiate, self-defend, and even die? From scatch? To get multicellular organisms, some as big as the whale, and some as powerful as the lion, and some as graceful as the gazelles? Could these have all happened by chance?

A dividing cell showing the orderly splitting of chromatids (highly compacted chromosomes carrying the genetic material needed for each cell to run itself)--from Cell Imaging Facebook.



Yesterday, my friend showed us the ultrasound photographs of her baby in her womb. We were all so fascinated to see the child so clearly, even at the completion of the 1st trimester. We can see the head, the eyes, the ears and a little arm at its side. It is as great a miracle to me, as the sunset, and of even deeper and dearer meaning too, albeit this time, it's taking place in the little, warm, dark corner called the womb. My faith arose as I rejoice and pray for the little child, because I know God who has formed him in his mother's womb, must love him so, and have great plans for him.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

I believe that every law observable in nature has a Law-Maker. I believe that every order that keeps the world going, despite all the pain, suffering and disasters, have an Order-Setter. And I believe that every beautiful miracle lavished upon us comes from a Mighty Creator who has set His heart out to delight us, amaze us, make us sigh, inspire us to dream, and pursue us till the day we recognise the eternity He has set in our hearts.

What does love look like?

Kapoked from Lightphoria :-P

Here's a song that gave me a glimpse into a different kind of love when I was a teenager.

I read a note my Grandma wrote back in 1923
Grandpa kept it in his coat, and he showed it once to me
He said, "Boy, you might not understand, but a long, long time ago,
Grandma's daddy didn't like me none, but I love your Grandma so.

We had this crazy plan to meet and run away together
Get married in the first town we came to and live forever
But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet instead
I found this letter, and this is what it said:

"If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be

But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Til I see you again

I'll be loving you
Love, Me."

I read those words just hours before my Grandma passed away
In the doorway of the church where me and Grandpa stopped to pray
I know I've never seen him cry in all my fifteen years
But as he said these words to her, his eyes fill up with tears

"If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be

But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Til I see you again

I'll be loving you
Love, Me."

I believe there is a love that waits and never gives up. A love that even death cannot tear apart. A love made possible by the everlasting God, Who is Himself, Love. A love that He has placed within the capacity of every human heart, that is sure, steadfast, sacrificial and unconditional. But unless we know that we have been loved by such a love, can we give it to another.

"We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19

Lord, show me Your love, and teach me to love Your way--surely, steadfastly and unfailingly.