How can I have child-like faith and wonder, even as I struggle daily in the harsh ungracious urban rush? How can I learn to love and pray unceasingly, even as I strive to survive among the pressing anxious neurotic work spaces?
It is easy to relax and worship in abandonment, in a garden or on a holiday, where there's peace, nature, and new adventures to be anticipated at every turn. It is easy to delight in the beautiful handiwork of God when you see the joyous glow in a child's face or immerse yourself in the stories of faraway kingdoms, heartwarming anecdotes, and worlds with heroes and heroines.
But the real test comes, when I leave the library and step into my office to face my displeased boss. When somebody needs to do what everyone doesn't want to do. When after trying for the third time, I have nothing but failure and mistakes to show. When after helping a discouraged friend get back on her feet, she took over my work as well. When the reward of doing something good, is to do something harder. When the news got worse and worse, even after I prayed and prayed. When I can't bring myself to get up in time every morning, even after trying for two and a half years. Can I still lift up my head; bless and praise my Lord; rejoice always; pray continually; and give thanks in all circumstances?
My mentor in Uni used to message me "Not easy, but nothing is impossible with God". And hope would arise in me. As I walked on in faith, I realised the power of turning my eyes upon Jesus, of pondering on His grace and mercy shown on the cross, how it can make the troubles and things of this earth grow dim in comparison. And recently, I have learnt more and more to put my trust and hope in God's promises, of Heaven, of His Spirit, of His joy and authorship of my life.
I've read that it is impossible to live the Christian life without the empowerment of the Holy Spirit. But I never realised the importance of this statement, until 6 years into being a Christian. Reflecting on those times that I fell to my knees, and cried out in desperation; I would realise that I was running on my own resources and thus was soon running on empty. I used to think, Christians must have things real easy and simple in life. With everything explained for them in black and white, and God always by their side. But as I continue to struggle to finish the bible, I realised how much discipline it takes to complete the bible and acquire basic understanding. And how hard I need to wrestle with God's truth as it show me so much of myself and the world, that I would rather not see, so that I don't have to change. To be humbled, to be emptied of self, to be surrenderred to constant moulding, to dare to love even when it hurts, or worse, seems to drain you out. Impossible without the power of His Holy Spirit, yet all possible and gladly willing by His Spirit indwelling our souls!
And because God has promised to clothe us with power from on high, may we be confident that He who began a good work in us will bring it to completion by the day of Christ Jesus. May we see His rainbow, even through the darkest, thickest clouds!
